I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Can I color on your dick again?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
