Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
