i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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