your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
