Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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