Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
