he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
