i permit you to call me
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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