Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
