They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
