I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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