Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Houston, we have a squirter
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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