look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
