There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
