We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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