Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
