i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
