Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
