someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
