The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
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Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
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It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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