Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
