Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
