is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
