Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
smell my finger.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
