Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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