ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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