I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
