I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
