Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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