Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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