so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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