I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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