This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
