I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
