I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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