At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
