At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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