my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
