cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
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There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think a kid would responsible me up
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That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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