Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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