im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got inside last night via doggy door
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
