She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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