turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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