dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
