This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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