RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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