cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
