yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize