No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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