that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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