She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
