o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
