Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
