just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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