Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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