No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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