also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
we should paint friendship bongs
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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