I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
