the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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