he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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