Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
