she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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