I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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