I think i peed on brittanys purse
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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