also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
