made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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