Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
