I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
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alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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