oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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