Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity