Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life