My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements