No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
