I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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