THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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