took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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