So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
