so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
