Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
