I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
