my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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