i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
